Desert Dance by Emily Richardson

how many years have we
been at this dance
the ebb and flow of
time
synching with the
ups, more downs
of life

with bare knuckle grit
and wind whipped hair
this old armor flecked with 
dirt and blood
my feet fall heavy on 
this sodden ground
spittle flies with battle cries
and still the truth remains:

I don’t know where to start

I don’t know where to start
the hunger is there 
but where do I start
the sand is already at my feet, 
my knees
sometimes it feels like drowning
and I get so choked up
sand filling my lungs
sand and–
can you drown in what you 
cannot perceive
I am so so
thirsty

in this desert are many a 
mirage
prayers scattered like
stars in the night sky
while doubts and fears far
outnumber
grains of sand

lips cracked and dry
throat crying out
for more
Lord
more

flames dance and
shadows echo
their supplication
ev’ry flicker crying out
for more
Lord
more

Lord, pull me into your lap 
and let me cry
rather than let me drown 
in my own tears
fears–
pull me to the fire
and refine me
purify– 
fire and water
All consuming
never satisfied
crying
more Lord
more

there is a fire inside my bones
my God, you are faithful
relentless in your pursuit
Holy fire
burning brightly
Unquenchable 
cleansing my iniquities
continue to burn in my heart
until all that remains
brings glory to you

I finally know what to do
where to start
though this pig-headed self
has fought it for so long
how wrong–
it’s simple, I see–
all I need to do
is stop
running
pull off my armor
and lay myself bare
cry out Abba, Father
palms up in surrender
and be drowned
consumed
by You

Father
I offer all of me
to you

Again.